DozzyBrad Haddin Has Released A Book
December 5th 2008 02:07
It’s probably a good thing that the draft as a televised concept was shelved by Channel Seven a few years ago. Possibly because the sight of Andrew Demetriou and Adrian Anderson reading out sets of personnel numbers in a cold, lifeless fashion has a little bit too much of a Third Reich ring to it. Scares the kiddies.
Its always sobering to see a 17-year-old kid barely through Year 11 dealing comfortably with a media scrum that has Craig ‘this is a big story, this’ Hutchison at its head. I distinctly remember having difficulty with the concept of arse versus elbow when I was his age but Jack Watts looked like the type of marquee player long-suffering Dees supporters can cling to as they mourn the loss of Nathan Carroll (joke).
Across the ditch on Channel Nine’s summer of cricket, things are motoring along with all the dreadful familiarity of a Sandra Bullock movie. I refer more to the telecast and not so much in the form of our national team- things are suddenly very different in that regard. As a child of the late-eighties/early-nineties there was always two certainties in life…Red would gong em’ within 10 seconds and the Australian cricket team would pants everyone inside three days.
I only found out that there was actually supposed to be five days of Test cricket by complete accident when I happened across an excruciatingly boring England v New Zealand Test match on cable a few years ago. There was Mike Atherton 42 not out off 374 deliveries waiting to get the shine off the fourth new ball so he could work one of Chris Harris’ pies behind square as the match meandered to a pointless draw.
Alas, we’re really not that good anymore which will take some getting used to, but if you actually focussed on the Channel Nine broadcast you may not even notice who’s playing, such is the ridiculous nature of what’s going on over there. During the first Test Tony Grieg spent a little over three minutes using the tellestrator to point out that he admired the manner in which Mitchell Johnson tucked his shirt into his pants (not a joke). This is while Grieg constantly lauded the telecast, his telecast as ‘the best in the world’ while showing off their latest gizmo which breaks down the on-strike batsmen to a molecular level to find out if he had the egg-salad or the cucumber sandwich at the lunch interval.
But really, if we’re honest Tony Grieg has been the elephant in the room (or the commentary box) for a long time now. I know it, you know it, fucking Richie Benaud is all over it. But unfortunately Grieg has a ‘job for life’ after crossing to the dark side with Kerry Packer during World Series cricket, and when you shake the hand of the devil, that shit doesn’t rub off easily.
Grieg’s unique method of commentary revolves around a brand of stream of consciousness ranting that is often diagnosed in our nation’s finest aged care facilities as the latter stages of senility. His flights of fancy usually refer back to the days of pre-metric system and non-mandatory helmets which is confusing for 98 percent of the audience who are under the age of 70. This is between flogging off an endless array of cricket memorabilia through his own company that has exclusive rights to advertise through the Channel Nine telecast. If these ads are to be believed and each piece regularly sells out in an instant despite a ‘limited edition’ of 125,000…by my conservative estimations that means every Australian household has at least two of these monstrosities in the pool room. With all and sundry preaching about ‘alternative energy’ this and ‘carbon footprint’ that, how about we all agree to throw our framed cricket stumps - signed by Scott Muller - into a huge bonfire, the resultant energy could power the island of Naurau for a decade.
At least Des Gleeson knew when it was time to throw in the pork-pie hat, but Grieg holds onto that spot in the central commentary position like grim death, which is not far away by the way. Certain parts of the population are hysterical about opening our borders to asylum seekers, how bout we tighten the controls against pompous half South African, half English twits first of all.
Brendan Julian can often be heard muttering something about foreigners ‘…coming over and taking our jobs’ around the halls of Nine, and for good reason, he’s rightfully had his eye on Grieg’s position since he bowled his last leg-side wide about ten years ago.
Even better, and this is out of left-field, lets get Drewey on board. If any of you NBL fans are out there (?) you’ll understand the appeal of Andrew Gaze in the commentary box. His enthusiasm borders on insanity but Jesus its exciting when he’s involved. Anyone who can breathe life into a match between the Cairns Whatsits and the Townsville Something-or-others in front of a three-figure crowd while the entire competition is in the early throes of bankruptcy has a special talent and is surely a better alternative than the current regime (Richie, Nicholas and Slats aside).
Re: Title…this is true, and I was going to rant about the ridiculousness of a cricketer releasing a book after 8 under-perfoming Tests, but then he went out and hit an entertaining 169 and earned a reprieve.
Its always sobering to see a 17-year-old kid barely through Year 11 dealing comfortably with a media scrum that has Craig ‘this is a big story, this’ Hutchison at its head. I distinctly remember having difficulty with the concept of arse versus elbow when I was his age but Jack Watts looked like the type of marquee player long-suffering Dees supporters can cling to as they mourn the loss of Nathan Carroll (joke).
Across the ditch on Channel Nine’s summer of cricket, things are motoring along with all the dreadful familiarity of a Sandra Bullock movie. I refer more to the telecast and not so much in the form of our national team- things are suddenly very different in that regard. As a child of the late-eighties/early-nineties there was always two certainties in life…Red would gong em’ within 10 seconds and the Australian cricket team would pants everyone inside three days.
'Gong em Red!'
I only found out that there was actually supposed to be five days of Test cricket by complete accident when I happened across an excruciatingly boring England v New Zealand Test match on cable a few years ago. There was Mike Atherton 42 not out off 374 deliveries waiting to get the shine off the fourth new ball so he could work one of Chris Harris’ pies behind square as the match meandered to a pointless draw.
But really, if we’re honest Tony Grieg has been the elephant in the room (or the commentary box) for a long time now. I know it, you know it, fucking Richie Benaud is all over it. But unfortunately Grieg has a ‘job for life’ after crossing to the dark side with Kerry Packer during World Series cricket, and when you shake the hand of the devil, that shit doesn’t rub off easily.
Grieg’s unique method of commentary revolves around a brand of stream of consciousness ranting that is often diagnosed in our nation’s finest aged care facilities as the latter stages of senility. His flights of fancy usually refer back to the days of pre-metric system and non-mandatory helmets which is confusing for 98 percent of the audience who are under the age of 70. This is between flogging off an endless array of cricket memorabilia through his own company that has exclusive rights to advertise through the Channel Nine telecast. If these ads are to be believed and each piece regularly sells out in an instant despite a ‘limited edition’ of 125,000…by my conservative estimations that means every Australian household has at least two of these monstrosities in the pool room. With all and sundry preaching about ‘alternative energy’ this and ‘carbon footprint’ that, how about we all agree to throw our framed cricket stumps - signed by Scott Muller - into a huge bonfire, the resultant energy could power the island of Naurau for a decade.
At least Des Gleeson knew when it was time to throw in the pork-pie hat, but Grieg holds onto that spot in the central commentary position like grim death, which is not far away by the way. Certain parts of the population are hysterical about opening our borders to asylum seekers, how bout we tighten the controls against pompous half South African, half English twits first of all.
Brendan Julian can often be heard muttering something about foreigners ‘…coming over and taking our jobs’ around the halls of Nine, and for good reason, he’s rightfully had his eye on Grieg’s position since he bowled his last leg-side wide about ten years ago.
Even better, and this is out of left-field, lets get Drewey on board. If any of you NBL fans are out there (?) you’ll understand the appeal of Andrew Gaze in the commentary box. His enthusiasm borders on insanity but Jesus its exciting when he’s involved. Anyone who can breathe life into a match between the Cairns Whatsits and the Townsville Something-or-others in front of a three-figure crowd while the entire competition is in the early throes of bankruptcy has a special talent and is surely a better alternative than the current regime (Richie, Nicholas and Slats aside).
Re: Title…this is true, and I was going to rant about the ridiculousness of a cricketer releasing a book after 8 under-perfoming Tests, but then he went out and hit an entertaining 169 and earned a reprieve.
| 70 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power