DozzyGeelong v Hawthorn v AC/DC
October 1st 2008 23:27
At the conclusion of another Grand Final, at least we’re sure of one thing…the AFL has no business around the words ‘entertain’ and ‘spectacular’. There were members of the Pascoe Vale Girls High School Rock Eisteddfod Team taking the piss out of that shambles on Saturday. A perspex box. On the marquee day of Australia’s biggest sport in front of a crowd of over 100,000 the Premiership cup arrives in a sparkly perspex box. Then Glen Archer had to retrieve the cup from said perspex box. I’m sure he was fighting back the urge to strike someone repeatedly in the kidneys as is his natural inclination when things aren’t going his way. He spilt blood on this sacred turf on this holiest of days and there he is blowing out sparklers like he’s serving up McDonalds ice cream cake at little Johnny’s tenth birthday. One of the drummers was drunk. No question. And if by some miracle he wasn’t, well then he’s just a dickhead. And probably should forever refrain from getting drunk.
China may cop a lot of flak about manufacturing cheap electronics and maintaining a brutal and oppressive regime but shit do they wipe the floor with us when it comes to pre-game ‘celebrations’. It may even be worth a change in allegiance. Sure it may mean forgoing the right to download internet porn but at least their drummers aren’t pricks and there won’t be a perspex box in sight. One of the actual proper highlights was Powderfinger belting out Long Way To The Top…if they’re struggling in the future why don’t they just put on an AC/DC album from start to finish. It works at the Southern 80.
Luke Hodge played like he had the riff to Thunderstruck playing on a loop in his head, a performance that was equal parts toughness and sublime skill. Bomber Thompson’s biggest gaffe was starting with Stokes, who seemed to be enjoying the Benny Hill theme on repeat and spent the day running around in circles groping at shadows.
A few things became obvious about Geelong over the course of the day. Firstly, they will still be awesome next season and secondly, Cam Mooney needs a lie down. Celebrating each goal by screaming blue murder at opposition supporters in a way that can only be interpreted as ‘I just made love to your mother’ will surely only get him stabbed. It also makes him look like a dipshit when he misses one from straight in front.
The end result has meant a surge in nostalgic talkback calls heaping praise on the heroes of ‘89. Dermott Brereton. Fantastic footballer in his day. But a man who has seriously misunderstood the whole ‘mirror treatment’ thing.
Yabby Jeans probably told Dermie after a below par performance early in his career that he had to go home and ‘take a good hard look at himself in the mirror’. Dermie has not stopped since. What’s with that haircut? I had a haircut like that once when I was 14. And before Dermie punches the air in celebration of shaving a few years off, I refer to that as my ‘gay as a picnic basket rollerblading’ phase.
The drummer in question
A few things became obvious about Geelong over the course of the day. Firstly, they will still be awesome next season and secondly, Cam Mooney needs a lie down. Celebrating each goal by screaming blue murder at opposition supporters in a way that can only be interpreted as ‘I just made love to your mother’ will surely only get him stabbed. It also makes him look like a dipshit when he misses one from straight in front.
The end result has meant a surge in nostalgic talkback calls heaping praise on the heroes of ‘89. Dermott Brereton. Fantastic footballer in his day. But a man who has seriously misunderstood the whole ‘mirror treatment’ thing.
Dermies shit haircut
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