DozzyIan Collins Has A Keen Eye For Torture
June 26th 2009 05:26
In the public relations move of the millennium, the AFL proposed recently that Australia’s greatest entertainment export (AC/DC) and their unique band of loyal supporters (The World) move their little concert thingy from Etihad Stadium to an alternative venue (Flemington Racecourse) to accommodate the most prestigious sporting tournament in the world (The NAB Cup).
There’s obviously a number of things wrong with that scenario. Sure, during Springtime Flemington Racecourse is the venue of choice for quality group one racing, heavy drinking suits and promiscuous hairdressers, but for anything other than the nags, the place struggles. The last major event outside the gee-gees was the visit of the Pontiff back in the eighties. A monumental case of blasphemy the more you look at it. Tens of thousands of pilgrims and catholic schoolkids worshipping on the very patch of grass where the term ‘dry-rooting’ was coined.
When you study the carnage of Oaks Day and the like, there is no doubt about Flemington’s capacity to cater for excessive binge drinking and low level sexual assault that would suit an AC/DC gig, but it’s probably the small matter of quality sound where the place falls short.
However, this debate may all be a waste of time because in the end the whole exercise is just a desperate move by the AFL to gain some bargaining power in the fight with Etihad Stadium over better stadium deals for its clubs. Perhaps it’s simply a noble fight for a noble cause by a noble warrior? Or more realistically, it’s just a horrendous strategic ploy that has pitted the AFL administration against the entire western civilisation (AC/DC fans).
Gillon McLaughlin from the AFL went to great lengths to stress that they too, like the common man, were all fair dinkum Accadacca fans. No doubt there’s a unique personality trait associated with anyone in the higher echelons of AFL officialdom, but I’m struggling to believe that it’s a shared love of heavy rock. The idea of anyone named Gillon punching the air to ‘The Jack’ with a can of Woodstock bourbon wedged between his knees is as believable as the Ponds Institute. I would think the only thing likely to get a man named Gillon genuinely aroused is the news of a spike in blue chip shares or a free table at the Flower Drum. It’s more likely he got his youthful kicks wanking over Mick Hucknall with an AV chord wrapped around his neck while he waited for his trust fund to mature. But that might be just me.
The fact of the matter is that Ian Collins from Etihad has everyone over a barrel. And when that bloke is confronted with the opportunity to inflict a slow and vicious form of torture he gets all giggly at the deliciousness of it all.
It’s only a matter of time before Collins ‘does a Monty Burns’ and tries to sell the sun back to us. At the moment he’s simply content in collecting outrageous sums from skint clubs. If all goes well, he’ll push the clubs out of the venue with his outrageous demands and we can all go back to watching footy in suburban grounds with cans and meat pies and hard wooden seats and Etihad will focus on cultivating its super race of insufferable dickheads via events like 'Sensation'.
There’s obviously a number of things wrong with that scenario. Sure, during Springtime Flemington Racecourse is the venue of choice for quality group one racing, heavy drinking suits and promiscuous hairdressers, but for anything other than the nags, the place struggles. The last major event outside the gee-gees was the visit of the Pontiff back in the eighties. A monumental case of blasphemy the more you look at it. Tens of thousands of pilgrims and catholic schoolkids worshipping on the very patch of grass where the term ‘dry-rooting’ was coined.
The Pope visited there you know...
When you study the carnage of Oaks Day and the like, there is no doubt about Flemington’s capacity to cater for excessive binge drinking and low level sexual assault that would suit an AC/DC gig, but it’s probably the small matter of quality sound where the place falls short.
However, this debate may all be a waste of time because in the end the whole exercise is just a desperate move by the AFL to gain some bargaining power in the fight with Etihad Stadium over better stadium deals for its clubs. Perhaps it’s simply a noble fight for a noble cause by a noble warrior? Or more realistically, it’s just a horrendous strategic ploy that has pitted the AFL administration against the entire western civilisation (AC/DC fans).
The fact of the matter is that Ian Collins from Etihad has everyone over a barrel. And when that bloke is confronted with the opportunity to inflict a slow and vicious form of torture he gets all giggly at the deliciousness of it all.
Ian Collins
It’s only a matter of time before Collins ‘does a Monty Burns’ and tries to sell the sun back to us. At the moment he’s simply content in collecting outrageous sums from skint clubs. If all goes well, he’ll push the clubs out of the venue with his outrageous demands and we can all go back to watching footy in suburban grounds with cans and meat pies and hard wooden seats and Etihad will focus on cultivating its super race of insufferable dickheads via events like 'Sensation'.
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