DozzyIf Alan Didak Was A Vegetable He’d Be A Cabbage
August 13th 2008 01:43
Cab. Charge.
I’m not sure if that’s one word or two.
Alan Didak probably thinks it’s a wrestling move. Alan also probably believes such a move to be genuine, ‘you can tell its real by all the blood and stuff’. Sure you can Alan; next you’ll be telling us Hulk’s missus is just naturally buxom. Techno-boffin, he aint. No question about that.
But there must be some serious misinformation surrounding cabs at Collingwood because in every other walk of life a Cab Charge docket is held to be eternally sacred. Do they understand that these can be exchanged for service? Do they understand basic commerce?
It’s one thing for CEO’s of large corporate entities wiping their arse with them in the executive bathroom because they’re all out of double-ply sorbent, but for footballers to blatantly dismiss them as a mode of transport while the rest of us freeze on street corners because we don’t have long blonde hair and breasts is a real kick in the teeth.
Alan Didak also seems to be redefining the word ‘accomplice’ for a new generation of semi-retarded athletes who gravitate toward felony like Ol’ Dirty Bastard. For the uninitiated, the rappers’ later years were characterised by a SWAT team stationed up his ginger, the bloke could barely conceive the thought of downloading a copyrighted version of Batman Begins and he’d be nabbed. He was finally captured after months as a fugitive when a large crowd gathered to get his autograph at a McDonalds, he sat there, unperturbed, and signed away until the cops showed up. Now, I’m not suggesting that Alan is a crack-addicted, ex-felon with priors for assault, what I am saying is that he’s just not as bright. And that ODB’s word might actually be worth more at the minute. And ODB’s been dead for several years.
There is a simple test that zealous pet-owners do to get a true picture of the intelligence of their dog. You can place a towel over the dog’s head and see how long it takes for the dog to figure out what has happened, and remove the towel by a flick of the head. If, in the name of ‘social experiment’, Collingwood decided to ply Didak with booze and put a towel on his head there is a very real possibility that Alan would not only be found 24 hours later with towel still wrapped around his scone, but he could also find himself at the scene of some form of illegal activity. Passively maintaining his silence in the passenger seat.
At least Alan has a soul mate in Fev. For goodness sake can someone put these two in a room together, there is a reality T.V show in that. It would provide a kind of perverse satisfaction to see these two knuckleheads trying to make their way in a crazy mixed up world. There hasn’t been a better double act since Balky Bartokomous and Larry Appleton in Perfect Stranger.
I’m not sure which one is which, but with Fev’s Bingle history he may have to take on the role of Balky in bedding all of Larry’s attractive female friends who mistake Fev’s inability to pronounce his vowels as some kind of unique foreign charm. The dialogue would be more like a shrill whistle than actual words, barely perceptible to human ears but certain to send the neighbourhood dogs into a frenzy. And the two of them would sit there either side of a coffee table, chewing on wads of Cab Charge dockets, safe in the knowledge that they despite all the hurly-burly of the outside world, at least they had each other.
I’m not sure if that’s one word or two.
Alan Didak probably thinks it’s a wrestling move. Alan also probably believes such a move to be genuine, ‘you can tell its real by all the blood and stuff’. Sure you can Alan; next you’ll be telling us Hulk’s missus is just naturally buxom. Techno-boffin, he aint. No question about that.
But there must be some serious misinformation surrounding cabs at Collingwood because in every other walk of life a Cab Charge docket is held to be eternally sacred. Do they understand that these can be exchanged for service? Do they understand basic commerce?
Alan Didak also seems to be redefining the word ‘accomplice’ for a new generation of semi-retarded athletes who gravitate toward felony like Ol’ Dirty Bastard. For the uninitiated, the rappers’ later years were characterised by a SWAT team stationed up his ginger, the bloke could barely conceive the thought of downloading a copyrighted version of Batman Begins and he’d be nabbed. He was finally captured after months as a fugitive when a large crowd gathered to get his autograph at a McDonalds, he sat there, unperturbed, and signed away until the cops showed up. Now, I’m not suggesting that Alan is a crack-addicted, ex-felon with priors for assault, what I am saying is that he’s just not as bright. And that ODB’s word might actually be worth more at the minute. And ODB’s been dead for several years.
At least Alan has a soul mate in Fev. For goodness sake can someone put these two in a room together, there is a reality T.V show in that. It would provide a kind of perverse satisfaction to see these two knuckleheads trying to make their way in a crazy mixed up world. There hasn’t been a better double act since Balky Bartokomous and Larry Appleton in Perfect Stranger.
Fev and Dids
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