DozzyKyle Reimers Could Be A Homicidal Lunatic
August 2nd 2008 04:30
There’s plenty of the lone gunman in Kyle Reimers. He’s a trenchcoat away from another Columbine I’m sure of it. He’s been watching from a clock tower, studying patterns of movement and waiting. You can zig-zag, you can stay indoors, it won’t matter to Kyle, he plans on being indiscriminate.
Kyle spent his school years slowly rocking back and forth in a desolate corner of the schoolyard. You didn’t notice him did you? You were too busy to notice Kyle. He remembers you though…you made fun of his interpretive dance piece at the end of the year concert. You’re on Kyle’s list. He was just biding his time back then, saving up all his spare coin to get poorly designed tattoos so he can look like a member of Good Charlotte. Waiting for a time when AFL players moved away from over-sexed piss-heads to tortured, overly sensitive emo types. A time when a decrease in public urination would be offset by the increased likelihood of random violence.
While there may be a few doubts over Reimer’s capacity to reek bloody vengeance on a crowded thoroughfare, there still exists a scrum of observers falling over themselves to lampoon the kid with the ridiculous footwear. And for good reason, they aren’t ‘just boots’ as Reimers claimed in his Rising Star press conference- they are a statement. A technicolour statement that screams ‘LOOK AT ME!’ like a stage school graduate having a nervous breakdown in a busy crowd. Make no mistake, Reimers is playing a dangerous game. The game of public perception.
Jana Rawlinson’s histrionics leading up to the Athens Olympics resembled a naive children’s entertainer, certain she wanted the attention and then not sure what to do with it when she got it. The state of play deteriorating to such an extent that the mere mention of her name was like someone flicking at the nation’s testicles with a tightly wound copper coil. These days an obviously matured Rawlinson is still paying the price for her petulance. So much so that she recently held a press conference to apologise about the fact that after four years of toil and personal sacrifice her toe had not heeled quickly enough. ‘Forgive me’ she pleaded. ‘My toe has failed you all!’
It just shows that initial public perception has a habit of sticking like toffee. Sally Robbins probably couldn’t get in on a shout these days. Hell, I’ve had a longstanding dislike for Robbie McKewen just because I heard he named his kid Euan.
The disturbing thing is Kyle Reimers has kicked some important goals of late for the Bombers and there’s been a few whisperings that he may actually be able to play. A truly horrible thought. There is nothing destined to render an individual more ineffectual than when their pet-hate actually proves their worth as a professional sportsperson. You’ve spent months, perhaps years, carefully cultivating an intense hatred like it’s your own personal Tamagotchi. It strengthens with every perceived failure, with every missed target. Suddenly, inexplicably, they begin to show some form. They begin to succeed.
It renders your vitriol completely baseless. You’re once amusing rants now come across like a climate change sceptic hysterically trying to explain away biblical floods and savage droughts.
I should know, I had the unfortunate experience of living through possibly the most extreme instance of this phenomenon. In the mid-nineties my beloved Kangaroos acquired Jason McCartney in a trade and I was disgusted. I had him pegged for a talentless thug and spent much time on my knees pleading to the heavens for some kind of divine intervention that would see this turkey demoted to the ranks of the unemployed.
It was one thing having to deal with McCartney becoming a valued member of our backline in a premiership year, but then for him to go on and become a beacon for all that is good and holy in this world after the Bali bombings, well, I was completely beaten. It soon became obvious that he was a terrific bloke with many outstanding qualities and I was just some schmuck who thought that we were lucky there would be no rain and plenty of sun this winter.
Kyle spent his school years slowly rocking back and forth in a desolate corner of the schoolyard. You didn’t notice him did you? You were too busy to notice Kyle. He remembers you though…you made fun of his interpretive dance piece at the end of the year concert. You’re on Kyle’s list. He was just biding his time back then, saving up all his spare coin to get poorly designed tattoos so he can look like a member of Good Charlotte. Waiting for a time when AFL players moved away from over-sexed piss-heads to tortured, overly sensitive emo types. A time when a decrease in public urination would be offset by the increased likelihood of random violence.
While there may be a few doubts over Reimer’s capacity to reek bloody vengeance on a crowded thoroughfare, there still exists a scrum of observers falling over themselves to lampoon the kid with the ridiculous footwear. And for good reason, they aren’t ‘just boots’ as Reimers claimed in his Rising Star press conference- they are a statement. A technicolour statement that screams ‘LOOK AT ME!’ like a stage school graduate having a nervous breakdown in a busy crowd. Make no mistake, Reimers is playing a dangerous game. The game of public perception.
Kyle Reimers' footware
Jana Rawlinson’s histrionics leading up to the Athens Olympics resembled a naive children’s entertainer, certain she wanted the attention and then not sure what to do with it when she got it. The state of play deteriorating to such an extent that the mere mention of her name was like someone flicking at the nation’s testicles with a tightly wound copper coil. These days an obviously matured Rawlinson is still paying the price for her petulance. So much so that she recently held a press conference to apologise about the fact that after four years of toil and personal sacrifice her toe had not heeled quickly enough. ‘Forgive me’ she pleaded. ‘My toe has failed you all!’
It just shows that initial public perception has a habit of sticking like toffee. Sally Robbins probably couldn’t get in on a shout these days. Hell, I’ve had a longstanding dislike for Robbie McKewen just because I heard he named his kid Euan.
The disturbing thing is Kyle Reimers has kicked some important goals of late for the Bombers and there’s been a few whisperings that he may actually be able to play. A truly horrible thought. There is nothing destined to render an individual more ineffectual than when their pet-hate actually proves their worth as a professional sportsperson. You’ve spent months, perhaps years, carefully cultivating an intense hatred like it’s your own personal Tamagotchi. It strengthens with every perceived failure, with every missed target. Suddenly, inexplicably, they begin to show some form. They begin to succeed.
It renders your vitriol completely baseless. You’re once amusing rants now come across like a climate change sceptic hysterically trying to explain away biblical floods and savage droughts.
I should know, I had the unfortunate experience of living through possibly the most extreme instance of this phenomenon. In the mid-nineties my beloved Kangaroos acquired Jason McCartney in a trade and I was disgusted. I had him pegged for a talentless thug and spent much time on my knees pleading to the heavens for some kind of divine intervention that would see this turkey demoted to the ranks of the unemployed.
It was one thing having to deal with McCartney becoming a valued member of our backline in a premiership year, but then for him to go on and become a beacon for all that is good and holy in this world after the Bali bombings, well, I was completely beaten. It soon became obvious that he was a terrific bloke with many outstanding qualities and I was just some schmuck who thought that we were lucky there would be no rain and plenty of sun this winter.
Kyle Reimers heading to Geelong?
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Comment by jon
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Comment by Anonymous
im with you on this one, but as much as i dont want it to happen i think he is another one that will make it big. if only he would change his fucking orange boots and stop trying to make us all look at him.
the world loves silent achievers remo!!!Your text goes here