DozzyWho's In Your Car? - Part 3
January 20th 2010 00:38
To celebrate a new year in the life of thebackpocket.com.au, we might kick things off with occasional contributer thesunnymunn and his unique take on life and all things sport.
Part suave raconteur, part babbling drunk, thesunnymunn may have questionable hygiene habits but the man knows what he likes (and who he doesn’t).
Stand back and cop a gobful of insight…it stiiiings the nostrils.
There’s a car. A four-wheel drive perhaps. It’s travelling at high speed in treacherous conditions. The car will soon veer off the road and drop from a steep cliff into the ocean. The driver and all four passengers don’t stand a chance.
The question is, out of all the oxygen thieves in the public eye, who do you nominate to fill those five seats?
Thesunnymunn's Car
Do any of you realise just how dificult this is...?
One (1) car, five (5) spots, countless candidates.
Well,
after much serious culling, I believe I have my car, and I have to tell you, it's a decision that is somewhat tinged with the pang of regret. Sad times.
Are the days of hurling drunken vitriol at the TV whenever some peanut infuriates me, now over...?
Are the days of being so violently shaken with inner rage, that I'm forced to screech: "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE IN MY CAR!" at some twat in the public eye, now a thing of the past...? Surely not.
So, with much deliberation, it is with confidence that I give you, my car:
1 Didier Drogba.
2 Scott Dooley.
3 Tommy Smyth "whidda Y!"
4 Tony Greig.
5 Ben Lee.
aaannd... breeaathe...
For those of you struggling to hone in on the final passengers in your wagon of hatred, fear not.
On my hunt for scum, I found many a potential and worthy victim. For now, they have avoided my selectorial wrath, however the child-locks are off in my car - the seats are interchangeable, no one is safe.
Feel free to plop any the following miscreants into a barrel, adjust the sights, and start firing...
Car Worthy:
- Kevin Pietersen
- Eddie Macguire
- Fundamentalist Christians
- Stuart Macgill
- Joel & Benji Madden - or any other founding member of Good Charlotte
- Any man - who isn't Kostya Tzu - who sports a pony-tail
- Paula Abdul
- Any deluded parrot who has ever said: "I don't need to drink to have fun."
- Any bloke in a fast food commercial
- Any Ear Cancer - usually female - who interupts my viewing of Test cricket, by enquiring:
"who's winning...?"
- Any fabulist claiming to never get hangovers
- Pablo Fagiano
- "Sugar! Fudge!" any fudging saps who use fake swear words. Really cheeses me off.
- Jobsworths
- Parking Inspectors
- Morons who clap at the cinema
- Oprah Winfrey
- Stedman - for being Oprah Winfrey's little slab of bitch fodder
- Whichever cretin gave Grant Hackett his job presenting the weekend sport
- Parents of tennis players (excluding Damir)
- Any and all gormless, dimwitted simpletons involved in the production, or viewing of, A Current Affair
- Ditto Today Tonight
- People who write: "Ditto"
- The entire cast and crew of CSI
- Ditto House
- People who repeat themselves
- Tracy Grimshaw
- Mark Zukerberg
- Swimmers
- Jarrod 'Toadie' Rebecky
- People who cut in line
- James Sherry
- Any xenophobic clown who has ever started a sentence with: "I'm not racist, but...."
- Anyone who owns a New Zealand passport
- Young university tutors
- Thespians
- All founding members of Nickleback
- Ditto Creed
- People who are still writing Ditto
- Teeth whiteners
- Paddy Power employees
- All regulars at the Brunswick Hotel
- The fat blockhead off the Bottle Mart ads.
- Rappers
- Any red-blooded human, with twenty-twenty (20/20) vision, who doesn't agree that Duran Duran's filmclip for "Girls On Film", is the greatest ever
- Shoes (you heard me)
- Any indolent loaf who has ever stayed in, in order to watch the final of a reality TV show
- Close talkers
- Loud talkers
- Constant talkers
- Cloud talkers
- Noisy eaters
- Bono
- All members of the indoor football team that beat us in our Monday night division two (2) grand final
- Fluffheads who use emoticons
- Scenesters
- Zane Lowe
- Any goon who wears any of the following: crocs, hi-viz, south african rugby jerseys
- Bus drivers
- Pink
- ppl hu txt lk ths
lol
- Wine Tasters
- Chavs
- Dingbats who think it's helpful to slap your back when you're trying to cough
- Any minnow who calls a truck, a "lorry"
- Poms
- Any witless reviewer, who has ever labled a song or flick as: "the feelgood hit of the summer!"
- Vegans
- The entire Italian football team
- Andy Murray
- Meg "cryin'" Ryan
- Any faux punk, piece of shit tip rat, who wears a seppo baseball cap - with the tag still on it.
- Seppos
- Gene Simmons
- Tim Ripper's old housemate
- Ticket inspectors
- Fare evaders
- People who contradict themselves
- Ditto hypocrits
- Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife
- Boy Bands
- John Bongiovi (excluding his hair circa'86)
- Axl Rose - your work here is done
- Anyone foolish enough to expect everyone at the table to commence eating their meal simultaneously
- The meat-head I saw walking into Doherty's twenty-four hour (24H) gym on Melbourne Cup Eve, wearing a Michael Vick NFL top.
- Michael Vick
- And finally, there's almost certainly room in my car for any pretentious bums with nothing better to do than write out a list of hate figures.
....to name but a few.
Enjoy naming your car.
I did.
Part suave raconteur, part babbling drunk, thesunnymunn may have questionable hygiene habits but the man knows what he likes (and who he doesn’t).
Stand back and cop a gobful of insight…it stiiiings the nostrils.
There’s a car. A four-wheel drive perhaps. It’s travelling at high speed in treacherous conditions. The car will soon veer off the road and drop from a steep cliff into the ocean. The driver and all four passengers don’t stand a chance.
Thesunnymunn's Car
Do any of you realise just how dificult this is...?
One (1) car, five (5) spots, countless candidates.
Well,
after much serious culling, I believe I have my car, and I have to tell you, it's a decision that is somewhat tinged with the pang of regret. Sad times.
Are the days of hurling drunken vitriol at the TV whenever some peanut infuriates me, now over...?
Are the days of being so violently shaken with inner rage, that I'm forced to screech: "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE IN MY CAR!" at some twat in the public eye, now a thing of the past...? Surely not.
So, with much deliberation, it is with confidence that I give you, my car:
1 Didier Drogba.
2 Scott Dooley.
3 Tommy Smyth "whidda Y!"
4 Tony Greig.
5 Ben Lee.
Ear cancer
For those of you struggling to hone in on the final passengers in your wagon of hatred, fear not.
On my hunt for scum, I found many a potential and worthy victim. For now, they have avoided my selectorial wrath, however the child-locks are off in my car - the seats are interchangeable, no one is safe.
Feel free to plop any the following miscreants into a barrel, adjust the sights, and start firing...
Car Worthy:
- Kevin Pietersen
- Eddie Macguire
- Fundamentalist Christians
- Stuart Macgill
- Joel & Benji Madden - or any other founding member of Good Charlotte
- Any man - who isn't Kostya Tzu - who sports a pony-tail
- Paula Abdul
- Any deluded parrot who has ever said: "I don't need to drink to have fun."
- Any bloke in a fast food commercial
- Any Ear Cancer - usually female - who interupts my viewing of Test cricket, by enquiring:
"who's winning...?"
- Any fabulist claiming to never get hangovers
- Pablo Fagiano
- "Sugar! Fudge!" any fudging saps who use fake swear words. Really cheeses me off.
- Jobsworths
- Parking Inspectors
- Morons who clap at the cinema
- Oprah Winfrey
- Stedman - for being Oprah Winfrey's little slab of bitch fodder
How did this man date Claire Danes?
- Whichever cretin gave Grant Hackett his job presenting the weekend sport
- Parents of tennis players (excluding Damir)
- Any and all gormless, dimwitted simpletons involved in the production, or viewing of, A Current Affair
- Ditto Today Tonight
- People who write: "Ditto"
- The entire cast and crew of CSI
- Ditto House
- People who repeat themselves
- Tracy Grimshaw
- Mark Zukerberg
- Swimmers
- Jarrod 'Toadie' Rebecky
- People who cut in line
- James Sherry
An A*mazingly annoying drip
- Any xenophobic clown who has ever started a sentence with: "I'm not racist, but...."
- Anyone who owns a New Zealand passport
- Young university tutors
- Thespians
- All founding members of Nickleback
- Ditto Creed
- People who are still writing Ditto
- Teeth whiteners
- Paddy Power employees
- All regulars at the Brunswick Hotel
- The fat blockhead off the Bottle Mart ads.
- Rappers
- Any red-blooded human, with twenty-twenty (20/20) vision, who doesn't agree that Duran Duran's filmclip for "Girls On Film", is the greatest ever
- Shoes (you heard me)
- Any indolent loaf who has ever stayed in, in order to watch the final of a reality TV show
- Close talkers
- Loud talkers
- Constant talkers
- Cloud talkers
- Noisy eaters
- Bono
- All members of the indoor football team that beat us in our Monday night division two (2) grand final
- Fluffheads who use emoticons
- Scenesters
- Zane Lowe
- Any goon who wears any of the following: crocs, hi-viz, south african rugby jerseys
- Bus drivers
- Pink
- ppl hu txt lk ths
lol- Wine Tasters
- Chavs
- Dingbats who think it's helpful to slap your back when you're trying to cough
- Any minnow who calls a truck, a "lorry"
- Poms
- Any witless reviewer, who has ever labled a song or flick as: "the feelgood hit of the summer!"
- Vegans
- The entire Italian football team
- Andy Murray
- Meg "cryin'" Ryan
- Any faux punk, piece of shit tip rat, who wears a seppo baseball cap - with the tag still on it.
- Seppos
- Gene Simmons
- Tim Ripper's old housemate
- Ticket inspectors
- Fare evaders
- People who contradict themselves
- Ditto hypocrits
- Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife
- Boy Bands
- John Bongiovi (excluding his hair circa'86)
- Axl Rose - your work here is done
- Anyone foolish enough to expect everyone at the table to commence eating their meal simultaneously
- The meat-head I saw walking into Doherty's twenty-four hour (24H) gym on Melbourne Cup Eve, wearing a Michael Vick NFL top.
- Michael Vick
- And finally, there's almost certainly room in my car for any pretentious bums with nothing better to do than write out a list of hate figures.
....to name but a few.
Enjoy naming your car.
I did.
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